Getting over a critical or judgmental parent, Karma
First Understand That Criticism is the biggest projection of insecurity, don't perpetuate what was projected on you to others.
Are you too critical?
Critical people are stuck in a perpetual vicious cycle of projection, pain, loneliness and disconnection, they are critical to avoid being critiqued. Usually they've been hurt at some point in the past when they felt vulnerable and if they are criticizing still today they are still carrying this wound in their psyche. The criticism that pushes people away further prevents them from experiencing the deep connections with others that would reduce their loneliness, heal the root of the pain, however put them at risk of pain because they dared to care.
Our criticisms and judgments of others are really just projections of our own fears. If we feel the need to put another down through criticism it is usually out of a lower vibration of thinking such as jealousy of the person, or insecurity in ourselves. Therefore whatever criticism you have faced has more than likely been a result of the other person's insecurity of you. Totally secure and emotionally resolved people, point out others strengths and build people up. Unless it is a serious life or death issue or something that is highly beneficial to another person, criticism really has no place. Parents can't help but see themselves in their children, so when you started acting in ways that triggered your mother or father's shame, hurt, sadness or loneliness they are likely to have felt their unhealed pain particularly deeply. So it's not surprising that a critical parent's most common victim is their own children.
Keep in mind:
- A critical person has some unhealed and often denied emotional wound from the past. The deepest wounds are about loneliness, rejection, appreciation, abandonment, separation and disconnection and in some cases uncared-for or abused.
- The judgment is projected outwards onto the other person as a criticism
- Criticism is painful and destroys the empathic connection with other people, causing the person encountering the criticism to either become defensive or to retreat.
People who criticize others have a fierce internal critic aimed right back at themselves too. When you understand that the parent who criticized you was actually hurting inside as a result of the way their judgments and criticisms shut down their own self-expression and isolated them from other people, you can start to feel more compassion towards them.
THE CRITICISM WAS NEVER ABOUT YOU
Your parent's criticism of you was never about you. It always came down to some unhealed and often denied emotional wound from their past which they projected onto you. When your natural behavior reminded them of their unhealed pain, it was easier for them to criticize you and get you to stop acting in that way than it was for them to heal their pain. Unfortunately this taught you that your natural way of behaving was somehow bad and wrong as a side-effect, undermining your natural confidence in who you are.
If a critical parent has wounded you deeply it's helpful to remember that the criticism and the wounding were never really about you. It was always just a projection of something your parent hadn't dealt with in themselves. They grew up in a different time than us some say more difficult because of war or the lack of awareness we have now. It would help to put your foot in their shoes. It does not make it right, but it serves right to come to an understanding of this and begin a new phase of your life, being who you really want to be. There are many books that offer guidance on how to reprogram your thoughts to be more positive, regardless of your upbringing. It's your choice to take the reigns of your life or to suffer through fate. I recommend starting with positive affirmations and doing them daily, repetition helps reprogram unhealthy thought patterns. Also might want to check out the book, "the course of miracles".
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