Obsessions vary in their power. When they’re mild, we’re able to work and distract ourselves. When intense, our thoughts are laser-focused on our obsession. As with compulsions, they operate outside our conscious control and rarely work with reasoning.
Obsessions can possess our mind. Our thoughts race or run in circles, feeding incessant worry, fantasy or a search for answers. They can take over our life so that we lose hours, sleep, or even days or weeks of enjoyment and productive activity.
Obsessions can paralyze us. Other times, they can lead to compulsive behavior such as repeatedly checking our email, our weight or whether the doors are locked. We lose touch with ourselves, our feelings and our ability to reason and solve problems. Obsessions like this are usually driven by fear.
Obsessive relationships are not healthy and are very destructive. If you find yourself obsessing about your lover, there are things you need to know. Being obsessed, stalking, whether in person or cyber, following, or trying to control your partner is the biggest mistake you can make. It not only shows your insecurity, but it makes you appear very unstable and in some cases dangerous.
In all cases of obsessive relationships they end very poorly, and painfully so it is important to get a grip on your actions as soon as possible. We can not change people, we can change who we choose, and if you need to obsess about your partner and worry that something may be wrong, then it's time you leave that relationship.
People deserve a certain amount of trust and privacy and if you can not trust your partner and you choose to invade their privacy this will not win the relationship over, but rather it will blow it apart for good, often ending with a restraining order, or even worse.
You cannot deny the power of obsessive love and the destruction and danger that comes with it. Obsessive relationships are not love, they are an obsession. Love allows a person to be themselves and trusts in them. Constant doubt, accusations, and prying only shows emotional instability and will be a concern to your partner.
If you need to stalk your partner, you need to leave your partner, you are wasting valuable time, effort and focus on something that does not deserve your attention anyhow and only going to cause drama in your life.
Obsessive Pluto Relationships actually have a clinical term which Doctors refer to ass ROCD (Relationship-centered obsessive-compulsive symptoms) I have found in my numerous studies these relationships start one way and end another.
Take note of these signs to help distinguish if you yourself or your partner carry many of these traits. The Pluto person usually behaves in the following manners.
A Pluto person may continuously doubt whether they love their partner, whether their relationship is the "right" relationship or whether their partner "really" loves them. Even when they know they love someone or that someone loves them, they constantly check and reassure themselves that it is the right feeling. When they attempt to end the relationship, they are overwhelmed with anxiety. Staying in the relationship, however, they are haunted by continuous doubts regarding the relationship.
Pluto Relationships and ROCD ( Relationship obsessive Centered Disorder)
Another form of ROCD includes preoccupation, checking, and reassurance seeking behaviors relating to the partner's perceived flaws. Instead of finding good in their partner, they are constantly focused on their shortcomings. They often exaggerate these "flaws" and use them to prove the relationship is fundamentally bad. The fact that they are unable to concentrate on anything but their partner's flaws causes the sufferer great anxiety, and often leads to a strained relationship, much like Plutonic relationships.
There are four key signs that you need to be aware of to determine if your new partner or lover may be crossing the line from concern to obsession. One or more of these signs in the relationship should be a red flag that this relationship may not be healthy or positive.
1. Lack of space and time – if your new partner or dating relationship seems to be a 24/7 marathon control may be their primary goal. With email, cell phones, text messages and social media it is now easier than ever for a controlling or obsessed person to literally know where you are at every minute of the day. Healthy relationships allow you to have time to yourself and to do your own thing.
2. Unexpected visits – having a lover drop by for an unexpected visit or to take you to lunch is a nice surprise. If this behavior is ongoing or you notice them around all the time it is not healthy and is most likely bordering on stalking and spying types of activities.
3. Isolation – spending all your time away from your friends and family or just with the new partner is a significant red flag. Isolation is key for many obsessive partners since they need to become the center of your universe.
4. Cycles of conflict – when patterns of conflict that include blow-ups and anger over your behavior, friends, social interactions or choices are followed by apologies, promises of better behavior and lavishing attention or gifts you are likely with an abusive and obsessive lover. Typically these don’t start at the onset of the relationship but tend to increase in severity and frequency as the relationship progresses.
It is very important to understand that there is nothing that you can do to change the obsessive lover’s behavior. They need to seek professional help with a counselor or therapist to learn how to have a positive, loving relationship without becoming obsessive and controlling.
Most obsessive love relationships do not become dangerous, but some can. Stalking and domestic abuse whether physical or verbal attacks that are damaging can both harm the victim of obsessive love both emotionally and physically. In many cases, the victim of obsessive love sees the attention and intensity of the relationship as a good thing in the beginning, it is only as the relationship continues and smothering, possessive behaviors deepen, that they want to get out of the relationship and find it hard to get away. Not all obsessive lovers become stalkers or get violent, but for those that do, the victims need to find ways to protect themselves.
Pluto's obsessive Roots
Obsessive love is usually rooted in your past. Obsessive love comes from an insecurity about relationships – obsessive lovers may have been rejected or neglected by their mother or father or had difficult early romantic relationships and they have become afraid of feeling the pain of rejection again. Some, however, are obsessive because one or both of their parents were obsessive and they believe that obsession is what love looks like. When an obsessive lover is faced with a threat to the relationship – whether a real threat or a perceived threat – their insecurities take over and jealousy and possessiveness start to rule the relationship
Obsession is not love
Obsessive love is a confusing term. It really doesn’t have anything to do with “love.” Love, healthy love, is built on trust and mutual respect. Each partner in any love relationship, whether partners, siblings, parent, and child or friendship, want the other person to be happy and secure. There is no obsession, no jealousy, no possessiveness – you want your partner to reach for and strive for their dreams and you are happy for their achievements. In an obsessive relationship, these dreams and achievements are instead a cause of insecurity; they are seen as a threat to the relationship. That is because obsessive relationships are built, not on love, but on insecurity and fear. The obsessive partner is afraid of losing the partner, afraid of being rejected, afraid of being abandoned. And this fear causes jealousy and possessiveness.
He’s or She is becoming your obsession, and the more you push, the more he/She pulls away. “Most obsessive relationships don’t last. The partner of the obsessive love frequently becomes tired of [the other's] overwhelming needs”. In most cases, authorities are involved and what
If you are in an obsessive relationship and need guidance or need help with your obsession. You can visit my reports page, in which I can help you understand yourself, your relationship and ways to overcome your tendency to obsess.
If you are in a dangerous relationship don't mistake it for love, get the police involved and separate yourself from them. It will not get better with time unless you seek professional help to intervene.